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I believe in an honest self-reflection

I believe in an honest self-reflection

by marlies|dekkers
Almost a new year, for a lot of people the time to make up their new year resolutions. Not for me. I look back on what happened the past year and take the time for some honest and important self-reflection.

The past year was all about discovering myself over again. I have been in long relationships since my fifteenth. I was used to live with a partner and I always enjoyed it. I loved the partners I’ve been with, I gave them my all. And they gave me so much back. But now I’m standing by myself and I have to rely on no one but myself. It can be scary sometimes but it also gives me a lot of insights, and happiness. I think the happiness comes from my high level of energy. Normally, when you’re with a person, you’re giving energy and receive it back. Over and over again.

I’m listening to loud music in my house and define it by reading the music scores at the same time. I bake a few pies a week, there’s no one to eat them but I love making them. I have no sleeping rhythm at all, I go to bed when I’m tired, and wake up when I want. I devour books, preferably a new one every day. I have deep and open conversations with complete strangers. I suddenly have the time to drink tea with the neighbors (who live next to me for 10 years) for the first time. I invite people for parties at my place and dance on my rooftop. I’m learning German and I’m having boxing lessons from a female boxing pro. I seek for widening in my creativity; I am painting for hours and I spent nights writing blog posts. I make myself an expert in the subjects which got my interest, like astrology. I can’t stop reading about it!

In 2014, I didn’t fell in love with a person, but I fell in love with my personal journey. This year made me more graceful than ever. I’m one of the lucky ones, one of the 7billion people in this world who got the privilege to be born. I got the chance to live my life and discover all the miracles, emotions and challenges. I count my blessings every day and look into the new year with a lot of trust. I’m sure 2015 will be a complete new year for me with the grown amount of self-knowledge. In 2015 I dare to be fragile and to be strong, more than ever because I know I can rely on myself. This is what true growth feels like.

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