You go Goddess

Modern–day issues require new, modern–day goddesses. Who else to pray to for your dream job, body confidence or an internet–breaking Instagram post? Meet the up–to–date divinities who can help you become your sassiest, sexiest, most successful self.

Starting with Mother Earth who created both life and death, goddesses have always been ALL about change. Throughout the millennia, they have guided us through changes and transformations, big and small. And guess what? Having masterfully adapted themselves to these changing times, they are still here for us! Some are familiar, like the Goddess of WAP who might as well be Aphrodite with stripper heels on; others have a brand–new look and feel, like iPhone–carrying Insta Fortuna. But all of them are as ready as ever to boost your confidence and self–love with their ancient wisdom and power. Here are some of my personal favorites:

Insta Fortuna
Feeling nervous about posting something on social media? Worried about trolls, body–shaming, lack of likes? Insta Fortuna to the rescue! Wielding a shiny golden hashtag in one hand, the latest iPhone in the other, this savvy goddess will guide you through the social minefield that is social media. But watch out; she also cuts right through your crap! If you’re only in it for the likes, she will sabotage your efforts. Her message: social media can only be empowering if you treat it as a creative outlet and a form of self–expression. Still a bit nervous? “Let the haters hate, you do YOU, girl!” she’ll whisper into your AirPod. And you’ll find yourself pressing ‘share’.
Offering: Bitcoins or an invitation to Clubhouse.
Mantra: ‘Likes’ are nothing if you don’t like yourself first.

Goddess of Swag
Get a bucket and a mop, because this bodacious goddess – doesn’t she look a lot like Lizzo in a glitter bikini? – will help you ooze self–confidence! Closely related to both Venus and the Goddess of WAP*, the Goddess of Swag is ALL about body positivity and flaunting what you’ve got. Just looking at her shaking her stuff will remind you: you don’t need an excuse to feel good about yourself! Summon her when you’re about to put on that sexy bikini or take that shameless selfie. Pray to her to not just embrace, but celebrate your perfect imperfections. Once you are touched by her divine swag, you will shine like never before. The best part? You will inspire other women to do the same! * Wet Ass Pussy.
Offering: Your most shameless selfie.
Mantra: Damn, girl!

Domina Fabulosa / Kali Feminista
Mind your feet! Because wherever these formidable goddesses rise, glass ceilings are shattered. Also known as ‘Bossy’ and ‘Bitchy’, they work together, with purple–skinned Kali Feminista being the most ferocious avatar of many–armed Domina Fabulosa. Going in for a job interview or asking for a raise? Domina Fabulosa will give you the confidence and clout. Tired of being interrupted or getting mansplained to? Here comes Kali Feminista, shutting it down in a blaze of glory. All it takes is remembering Kamala Harris telling Mike Pence: “Mr. Vice president, I am speaking!”, and these goddesses will be right by your side, ready to kick in that glass ceiling with their divine killer stilettos.
Offering: Your favorite pair of heels.
Mantra: You cannot become what you want by remaining who you are.