Turn up the self-love this Valentine’s Day

Whether you are single or not, celebrate this Valentine’s Day by starting a life-long romance… with yourself! To get you inspired, I am sharing some nuggets of self-love wisdom from our Self-Love Show, a series of fun, lively conversations I had on Instagram Live with some of my favorite feminine feminists. Get ready to turn up the self-love!

KAAT BOLLEN

Psychologist and sexologist

« It is hugely important that we take charge of our sexuality. In relationships, it’s easy to slip into a passive role, where we rely on our partner to turn us on and give us an orgasm. Be pro-active! For example, next time you make out with your lover, make yourself come. Women are so hard on themselves these days: we have to have an amazing career, be supermoms, work out, do yoga, have a spotless home… Our heads and agendas are so full that we lose touch with our sensuality. Try to let go of perfectionism. Allow yourself time to unwind and be sensual, however long that takes. Love yourself enough to prioritize your needs and desires. Just remember, self-love equals amazing sex! »

KAOUTHAR DARMONI

Professor and goddess dance coach

« You don’t need a man to get ‘that glow’! Only you are responsible for your sexuality. So, be in charge of your own arousal. Practice self-love by wearing lingerie that turns you on, playing your favorite music and dancing while you flex and relax your pelvic floor muscles. (We call it a ‘Goddess Dance’). One woman told me that while her husband was abroad on business, she was having a skype conversation with him. He was looking at her in a funny way, then all of a sudden he yelled: « You’re having an affair! I can see it on your face! You have that post-sex glow! ». And she started laughing and said: « No silly, I just did a few hours of Goddess-dancing! »

MILOU DEELEN

Journalist and feminist activist

« A few years ago, I underwent a surgical procedure to have my ‘labia minora’ – the ‘inner lips’ of my vagina – reduced. Did that make me a bad or fake feminist? Well, the fact that they were sticking out had been bothering me since I was 14, and it had really affected my self-confidence. Of course I was influenced by a patriarchal beauty ideal; I was hyper aware of that. Perhaps if I had grown up in a culture where big labia were considered an asset, it wouldn’t have bothered me. But I was bothered, and I took control over my own body, and it made me incredibly happy! Making decisions for yourself is an expression of self-love. And in that regard, my labia surgery made me not less, but MORE of a feminist. »

JOSIE BOOG

Astrologer

« In order to truly love ourselves, we have to first accept who we are. Becoming familiar with your natal chart – a snapshot of the skies, taken the moment you were born – can really help you with that! For example, being raised with feminist values, I didn’t understand why I often found myself in relationships where the man likes to look after the woman. It made me feel almost guilty. But, once I learned that my love planet Venus is in earthy Taurus in the house of money and possessions, I understood that it is a dynamic I happen to attract. By accepting that part of me, I could feel my self-love grow. And now, I can enjoy being spoiled occasionally while still being an independent feminist! »

Watch the Self-Love Show here