More than a mother

For nine months Zilver was part of my body, but as soon as I held her in my arms, I realized that my task as a mother was to give my daughter wings. Even if that meant she would fly away from me someday! I believe we are here with a purpose. I also believe that the key to our life’s purpose can be found in our talents. So, I raised Zilver using the exact same motto with which I design all my lingerie: dare to dream, dare to grow, dare to be. And I never stopped dreaming and growing myself. After all, wasn’t that my duty as a ‘typical’ mother: to teach by example? Now that Zilver is 23 years old, the moment has come for her to spread her wings. Time for a cup of tea and a chat.

Marlies: So, here we are, lounging on top of a milestone.

Zilver: Yes literally! We’re lying on the first bed I have assembled all by myself.

Marlies: I was really impressed that you refused any help.

Zilver: Well, I felt it would be an empowering thing to do, now that I have my own place. And would you believe it; while I was putting it together, the radio started playing « Who run the world? ».

Marlies: That’s so spot on! At 23, I feel you are very much ready to run the world.

Zilver: I wish! I’m still trying to find my way. But one thing is certain: I want to do it on my own terms. For example, I really enjoyed my 7-month internship* at your company and I learned a lot. But I’m not just assuming I’m going to work for you. And if I ever do, it will be with a backpack filled with my own insights and experiences.

Marlies: I appreciate that. I have always been a working mother, and my career was a constant presence in your upbringing. But what was it like to actually work for me? Did it force you to see me as ‘more than a mother’?

Zilver: Growing up, your company was part of our family. I almost literally considered it my sister! And yes, you were always ‘more than a mother’; I saw you as about 80% mother, and 20% that woman making her mark in the outside world. But then, during my apprenticeship, you were suddenly 100% my boss. And a strict one too! (laughs) There were moments that I thought: « Wait a minute, why do you talk to me like that? I’m your daughter! » But as soon as I stopped calling you ‘mama’ and started calling you ‘Marlies’, I could make that switch in my head. And I worked really hard to integrate myself into the company naturally, without the use of any privileges.

Marlies: After fighting for so long to be ‘more than a mother’, it’s beautiful to see how you are now spreading your wings. It isn’t always easy, is it?

Zilver: No. I think it only works when we both indicate our boundaries.

Marlies: Absolutely. I’ve been lucky that ever since you were little, you have been expressing your needs to me very clearly. And I have always tried to respect them.

Zilver: You did; from coming home earlier from work so you could bathe me and put me to bed, to wearing ‘mom jeans’ when I begged you too. But you drew the line at throwing out your mini skirts!

Marlies: Well, wearing them was a way for me to express my femininity. And as a feminist, I felt it was important for you to see that.

Zilver: Yes, I totally understand that now.

Marlies: Would you call yourself a feminist?

Zilver: Well, I don’t wear it as a slogan on my shirt like you do, and I am always somewhat amazed when my girlfriends call you their feminist hero.

Marlies: Another example of me being ‘more than a mother’…

Zilver: Absolutely! But put me in a room filled with misogynists, and my claws come out! I guess the reason you don’t often hear me call myself a feminist out loud, is because this is another area where you very much made your mark, but that I want to explore on my own terms.

Marlies: Like by assembling your own bed and shelves.

Zilver: (laughs) Yes, for example! But don’t forget that I grew up with a mother who was always fixing things around the house and a father who was passionate about doing laundry.

Marlies: He had a way of making the laundry come out incredibly soft and fluffy!

Zilver: He did! And he concocted the best face masks. But all that aside; we may never have labeled it that way, but I grew up in a feminist household. I have absorbed those values. And even though I am spreading my wings and finding my own way, they will always be part of me.

Marlies: What is your dream for your future, Zilver?

Zilver: Financial independence is very important to me. And as soon as I have enough money, I will kidnap you and take you to Paris, where I’m going to treat you to a fancy, slap-up meal! It will be my way of saying: I love you mom, thank you for everything.

Marlies: I love you too! And I couldn’t be prouder. I mean, this bed still hasn’t collapsed! (both laugh)

*Zilver is studying International Business and Entrepreneurship