The art of giving
I have a gift for giving. Ever since I was little, I've liked nothing better than lifting others up. You could even say that I ended up making a profession out of it: empowering women with my - quite literally! - uplifting designs and mission. Naturally, the Holiday Season, also known as The Season of Giving, has always been my time to shine. Turning my house into Santa's Workplace, I spend days in the kitchen, shop a mountain of presents, and put my own needs on the backburner. After all, that's what the art of giving is all about. Or is it?
Do you remember 'The Snow Queen'? One of my childhood's favorite winter fairytales, it tells the story of a friendship between a boy and a girl, Kai and Gerda. When Kai's heart becomes frozen after a splinter of the devil's mirror gets stuck in it - turning him into, basically, an asshole - Gerda does not give up on him. She travels North to the Snow Queen's realm and melts Kai's heart with her warm tears. Oh, how I related to this brave girl, willing to give her life for her love! 'Giving is better than receiving' was the message I kept in my heart. Only recently did I realize that while focusing on giving all these years, I had forgotten how to receive. Like Kai, my heart was in danger of freezing over.
Contrary to what a lot of people think, receiving is actually much harder than giving. We are genetically wired to give, with scientifically proven feel-good benefits like the release of the pleasure hormone dopamine. In other words, we get a kick out of giving. Receiving is much more complicated. It involves having to open our heart and let people in. We may have to give up control for a moment, show our vulnerability, allow real intimacy. Scary stuff, right? And so, many of us - especially women - become 'giving people'. It's safer. It's easier. But we are forgetting something important: one cannot happen without the other.
The other day, I cried in front of a friend. It may not sound like a big deal, but it was a major breakthrough for me. (And yes, I'm doing great again, thanks for asking). For years, I had been holding back, not wanting to burden her with my troubles, scared to be 'too much'. But when I finally opened up to receive, I also finally allowed my friend to give. And while I watched her shine in her role of comforter and giver, I felt our friendship deepen. I was leaving the Snow Queen's realm, and a frozen corner of my heart slowly started to melt.
So, this Season of Giving, let's master the beautiful art of receiving. Just start small: accept a compliment, even if you think you look like the Abominable Snowman. Say yes when someone offers to help in the kitchen, even if you're terrified they will mess up your mom's Christmas recipe. Ask for that lingerie set you've been dreaming of but you're too cheap to buy for yourself. And you'll see: giving feels good, but receiving with joy is the greatest gift you can give a giver. And doesn't that feel pretty awesome?
Marlies Says
I AM A FEMINIST.
You know I’m a self-made woman who has made it my purpose to challenge women to dare. It’s an achievement I am immensely proud of, and for that reason, I am equally proud to label myself a feminist. But looking back more than a hundred years, I’m even prouder of the progress women have made together.
MD Friends
FEARLESS fly GIRL
Niatia (pronounce: ‘naah-tee-yah), also known by her stage name Lil Mama (28), is a fearless rapper, singer, dancer and actress from Brooklyn, New York. Her breakout hit ‘Lip Gloss’ came out in 2007, and since then she has been a celebrity judge on America’s Best Dance Crew, played Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez in VH1’s CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story, and was most recently the lead actress in a movie called ‘When love kills; The Falicia Blakely story’. But it hasn’t always been a smooth ride…
MD Friends
GUTS & GLORY
Meet Viktoriya Isakova (41), a stunningly beautiful Russian actress who is not afraid to get down and dirty for her brave performances. Her film credits include ‘Tochka’ (2006), a movie about human trafficking and prostitution and ‘Mirrors’ (2013), in which she plays the tragic Marina Tsvetaeva, one of the greatest Russian poets of the 20th century. I talked to the winner of many (international) awards about ageing, lingerie, and the need to always stay true to yourself.
Marlies Says
Women’s Day 2019
Happy Women’s Day! I am extra excited about this edition, because wow, what a year it’s been for feminism! This is the year that we went global; that we showed up with our money, our bodies, our time and our voices to show the world: this is OUR time!