The art of giving
Good, you love to give. But do you know how to be present for the present? This holiday season, let's truly master the art of giving by learning how to receive with joy.
Good, you love to give. But do you know how to be present for the present? This holiday season, let's truly master the art of giving by learning how to receive with joy.
I have a gift for giving. Ever since I was little, I've liked nothing better than lifting others up. You could even say that I ended up making a profession out of it: empowering women with my - quite literally! - uplifting designs and mission. Naturally, the Holiday Season, also known as The Season of Giving, has always been my time to shine. Turning my house into Santa's Workplace, I spend days in the kitchen, shop a mountain of presents, and put my own needs on the backburner. After all, that's what the art of giving is all about. Or is it?
Do you remember 'The Snow Queen'? One of my childhood's favorite winter fairytales, it tells the story of a friendship between a boy and a girl, Kai and Gerda. When Kai's heart becomes frozen after a splinter of the devil's mirror gets stuck in it - turning him into, basically, an asshole - Gerda does not give up on him. She travels North to the Snow Queen's realm and melts Kai's heart with her warm tears. Oh, how I related to this brave girl, willing to give her life for her love! 'Giving is better than receiving' was the message I kept in my heart. Only recently did I realize that while focusing on giving all these years, I had forgotten how to receive. Like Kai, my heart was in danger of freezing over.
Contrary to what a lot of people think, receiving is actually much harder than giving. We are genetically wired to give, with scientifically proven feel-good benefits like the release of the pleasure hormone dopamine. In other words, we get a kick out of giving. Receiving is much more complicated. It involves having to open our heart and let people in. We may have to give up control for a moment, show our vulnerability, allow real intimacy. Scary stuff, right? And so, many of us - especially women - become 'giving people'. It's safer. It's easier. But we are forgetting something important: one cannot happen without the other.
The other day, I cried in front of a friend. It may not sound like a big deal, but it was a major breakthrough for me. (And yes, I'm doing great again, thanks for asking). For years, I had been holding back, not wanting to burden her with my troubles, scared to be 'too much'. But when I finally opened up to receive, I also finally allowed my friend to give. And while I watched her shine in her role of comforter and giver, I felt our friendship deepen. I was leaving the Snow Queen's realm, and a frozen corner of my heart slowly started to melt.
So, this Season of Giving, let's master the beautiful art of receiving. Just start small: accept a compliment, even if you think you look like the Abominable Snowman. Say yes when someone offers to help in the kitchen, even if you're terrified they will mess up your mom's Christmas recipe. Ask for that lingerie set you've been dreaming of but you're too cheap to buy for yourself. And you'll see: giving feels good, but receiving with joy is the greatest gift you can give a giver. And doesn't that feel pretty awesome?
